2019-01-09 / Editorials

Can’t dance? I have you covered

Len Robbins

No wonder “Dancing With The Stars” is so popular.

This from a study by Rutgers University and the University of Washington: Chicks dig dudes that can dance.

According to the study, men who can twirl, twist and tango attract more women, and more desirable women, than their lead-footed counterparts. Now we know why Tommy Tune is such a ladies’ man.

But most men aren’t blessed with such twinkle toes. They have to attract women the old-fashioned way — their mastery of the language of love; or loads of cash.

For those men still looking who are mired with two left feet, or in poverty, I have compiled some of the best pick-up lines ever uttered for your romantic quest. And by “best,” I also mean “worst.” Consider it my early Valentine’s Day gift. They are:

• “Excuse me, I’m from the FBI — Fine Body Investigators. You’re under arrest.”

• “Excuse me, but I think I just dropped something — My JAW!”

•”If your parents hadn’t met, I’d be crying right now.”

•”Your daddy must be a drug dealer — cause you’re dope.”

• “Baby, your feet must be tired, cause you’ve been running through my mind all day.”

• “Good evening. May a thorn sit down amongst the roses?”

• “Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.”

(Only effective on women over 50).

• “If you were a hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.”

• “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see.”

• “I’d marry your cat just to get in your family. ”• “Pardon me, but have you seen my Nobel Prize lying around here somewhere?”

• “Are you accepting applications for your fan club? I’d like to be President.”

• “My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime.”

• “You look a lot like my future wife.”

• “Hello. My name is Doug. That’s God spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it. ”• “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?”

• (After checking her shirt tag) “Yep, just as I thought. Made in heaven.”

• “Excuse me, but do you have tickets?” “Tickets for what?”

(Point to arm and flex) “Tickets to the gun show!”

• “The Hershey factory makes a million kisses a day. I just want one from you.”

• “You’re so good-looking I want to kiss your daddy.”

• “Do you know why the sky is so gray? All the blue is in your eyes.”

• “Somebody call the fire department, cause you are smoking!”

• “Hey did it hurt?”

“What?”

“When you fell down from heaven.”

• “Pardon me miss. I seem to have lost my phone number. Could I borrow yours?”

• “You’re so fine I want to throw you down on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.”

• “Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know what I want for Christmas.”

• “I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into a wall. Can I have your name and number for insurance purposes?”

• “Would you like to dance? No? Oh, I’m sorry, you must’ve misheard me. I said, ‘You look fat in those pants.’”

Man, am I glad I’m married. Must have been my dancing.

© Len Robbins 2019

Return to top