Other Voices

One of my cousins told me over Thanksgiving that she kept up with what's happening in my life by googling me, which sounds like something dirty that cousins shouldn't be doing to each other.

What it really means, of course, is that she goes to the Google Web page and types "Mitch Clarke" into the search window.

Having never before googled myself — which also sounds dirty, not to mention probably illegal in some Southern states — I suspected what she found was links to some of my Sunday columns, which are posted online each week. But I wasn't sure.

So I googled myself.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered not only links to previous columns written by yours truly, but also information about dozens of other people named "Mitch Clarke."

I knew there was at least one other Mitch Clarke out there. A dozen years ago, I attended a function in Macon. When I walked up to the bar, I noticed the bartender's name badge said "Mitch Clarke."

He said people occasionally complained to him about things I had written in my column. I told him people occasionally complained to me about the way I mixed their drinks.

But I had no idea there were so many of us out there, which has to be disheartening for anyone who's spent more than 15 minutes around me.

There's a Mitchell Clarke who is listed as a performer on several classical music CDs. I like this, because I like to pretend that I enjoy classical music.

There's a Mitch Clarke who is a poet. One of his poems that is posted online is called "I Like Cake," and contains the incomparable line, "It's fun to make / but more fun to bake / oh, for goodness sake / let's all have some cake."

Mitch Clarke owns a bed and breakfast in Trumasburg, N.Y. Mitch Clarke breeds, trains and sells show horses in Danville, Ky.

A couple of Mitch Clarkes have successfully moved up the corporate ladder. Mitch Clarke, it turns out, is the chief executive officer of Smartlens, a company that created software that gives painted effects to digital and analog photographs.

Mitch Clarke also is the vice president of Monitronics International, a telecommunications firm in the Dallas area.

Some Mitch Clarkes are athletic. There is a Mitch Clarke who is an assistant coach at the Finger Lakes Wrestling Club in upstate New York. He was a national wrestling champion while he was a student at Ohio State.

Yet another Mitch Clarke is a mixed martial arts star. I don't know much about this sport, but it appears to be a cross between traditional martial arts, boxing and street fighting. His nickname, according to his Web site, is Mullet Machine.

There's a female Mitch Clarke. She was a vice president for a record label, working with such artists as Tina Turner, Yoko Ono, Prince, Joe Cocker and Pink Floyd.

There are international Mitch Clarkes. One Mitch Clarke just signed a multiyear deal to play soccer for the Brisbane Lions in Australia.

I have never really known very many people named Mitch, and anytime I go into souvenir shops where they sell little trinkets with first names on them, there are never any Mitches.

But I suppose I should be glad there are lots of other folks out there with my name.

And I might just get to put this newfound knowledge to work for me. Often when I'm out in public, people will stop me and ask, "Aren't you Mitch Clarke, the editor of The Times?" Usually these people are very gracious and say nice things about the newspaper.

Occasionally, though, someone will want to complain about something we've written and occasion- really ugly about it.

So the next time you approach me in an angry tone to ask, "Aren't you Mitch Clarke, the editor of The Times?" I'm going to answer, "No, I'm Mitch Clarke, the mixed martial artist."

Then I may put you in a headlock.