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Mumbles
I leaked a rumor that kudzu was the official Red Neck wildflower of the South. It took Al Gore and his legion of global warming alarmists just two days to take the bait! Headlines in this morning's newspapers read "Kudzu is the culprit in global warming." In the article, researchers announced kudzu is releasing ground-level ozone, contributing to smog, breathing difficulties and global climate change. "If we're right, then it'll be one more big reason to dislike kudzu," one of them proclaimed, a smirk on his face as he nodded south. The other big reason being that us Southerners, red necks, if you will, have adopted kudzu as our official wildflower. (At least that's the rumor floating around the global warming labs the past couple of days.) Kudzu never seemed to bother anyone as it crawled across the country cloaking everything in its path. (They say it covers 11,580 square miles, and adds 200 square miles to its territory each year.) You ever hear of a lab rat dying from eating 10 pounds of kudzu? Me neither! But, if I was a goat I'd be more than just a little worried. Some experts think goats can eat "the vine that ate the south" faster than it can grow. Those experts need to get out more often. Don't guess they read the report about goats causing global warming after eating kudzu. Same thing is happening when the cows eat hay. And, those vegetarians think they are making the world a better place to live.
Go out and pick you some kudzu. Press it between the pages of a book so your grandkids can see a real kudzu leaf. It'll all be gone in a few days!
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