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Alex McRae
In other words, parents who couldn't find or couldn't afford the right summer camp for junior or juniorette. Years ago, this wasn't a problem. The camp choices were limited and the offerings similar. Kids went to camp and spent a week or two swimming, hiking, toasting marshmallows and making "crafts," including popsicle stick baskets, plastic bracelets and poorlyfired pottery. Those camps may not have expanded anyone's mind or broadened a kid's ambitions, but they did their job ... they kept the kids out of the house. It wasn't such a hard sell, either, when other childhood diversions were limited. But today's kids grew up with 500 cable channels, Internet, iPods, video games and expectations of being entertained around the clock. Camps changed to suit the times, and soon there were camps for just about any interest. In addition to traditional "camps" featuring swimming, diving and hiking, camps sprung up for kids interested in art, music, science, technology or television. But a recent report on National Public Radio convinced me one children's market isn't being served. Every week, NPR hosts a show called "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." On one of the segments, panelists read three so-called "news" items and callers have to guess which one is real. Recently, panelists read reports about three alternative summer camps. The real one was a camp that taught young hockey players how to fight. One of the bogus ideas was a "beauty" camp that promised to teach "cosmetically-challenged" kids how to do better with makeup and clothes. The last offering was also fake, but my favorite. And a real opportunity for the entrepreneur with a knack for helping kids waste time. On the show it was called Camp Slack. That's just what it was. An imaginary camp for slackers, kids who didn't want to do anything but sit around the house all day. It was described as perfect for parents who wanted the kids out of the house and kids tired of parents picking on them for doing nothing. At Camp Slack, kids didn't have schedules, much less alarm clocks or pesky counselors. They rose when they wanted and slept when the urge overtook them. They had unlimited access to Internet, video games, cable TV and all the junk food they wanted, any time they wanted it. The imaginary camp was for boys only, which explained the Jessica Alba film festival. It sounded great. And left me wondering, why isn't anyone doing this for real? Can you imagine the sponsors who would line up to lead this parade? La-Z-Boy is natural for comfortable seating, and if the camp went coed the company would probably be glad to start a new La-ZGirl line. Apple and Microsoft would fight tooth and nail to furnish (free) the latest gadgets kids couldn't live without once they got back home. Video game software companies and console makers would have an endless supply of free testers, and cable TV giants could take advantage of an unpaid panel of peer reviewers for teen shows. Best of all, kids could escape the grueling pressure of parental expectations and mom and dad would get some time off to actually talk to each other. And talk about cheap. This camp doesn't need wide open spaces, swimming pools, polo ponies or archery ranges. Just plop the campers in a large home (or two) near several fastfood joints, beef up the cable package, install Wi-Fiservice and you're good to go.
If ever there's been a concept for modern American youth, this is it. It's only a dream today, but if Slacker Camp isn't a reality next summer, I'll be surprised.
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