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Other Voices
Scientists for Norway's National Institute of Occupational Health and the Norwegian Armed Forces Medical Services found that older siblings, particularly boys, were smarter than their younger siblings. I - and probably most older siblings - responded to this news thusly: No kidding. We've all known forever that we're smarter than our brothers. I'm certainly smarter than my brother, Marvin. It's just nice to have scientific proof that we're smarter. Of course, Marvin probably thinks he's smarter than me, which just proves how little he really knows. To be fair, the study actually found little difference between older siblings and younger ones. Older siblings had an average IQ of 103.2, while the younger siblings averaged 101.2. So it's just a difference of two lousy IQ points, but science is science and, as Barney Fife used to say, you can't argue in the face of a scientific fact. The study goes on to say that the IQ continues to drop for children born third, fourth or later. My mother was the second of five children. I suspect her older sister, Ann, would have certainly argued she was the smartest. But I would love to see how Uncle Bubba or Aunt Mary Price, the fourth and fifth born, will react to news that they are the dumbest of the bunch. As far as Marvin and I go, I really don't know which of the two of us is really smarter. I'm six years older than Marvin. When I was in high school, he was still in middle school. I was off at college by the time he reached high school. We never took classes together or were in the same school at the same time, so we didn't really compete academically. We both made very good grades in high school, and neither of us had to study very hard until we got off to college The truth is Marvin is very smart. Always has been. And he's going to prove it this week when he starts teaching chemistry and physics to high schoolers at Lakeview Academy. I'm not sure where he gets the science and math gene. I was pretty good at math as long as the teachers stuck to numbers. But when they started using letters in math, I was lost. Letters should be used in English and journalism classes. Numbers should be used in math. And we should never have messed with that perfect symmetry. The first time an algebra teacher asked me what "x" was, I responded that it was the 24th letter of the alphabet. My teacher wasn't amused by my witty repartee, and neither were my parents by the D that I got in the class. From then on I avoided math like the plague. I always tried to avoid chemistry and physics, too. I was successful with physics. Never took it. Unfortunately, I had to take chemistry in the 10th grade. The highlight of that class was when the prettiest girl in my high school asked me if I'd study with her, which I gladly did. (See, I told you I was smart.) She obviously thought that since I was smart in other subjects, I could help her with chemistry. Silly girl. Of course, she ended up making better grades on the tests than I did, so maybe she should have tutored me. On the other hand, Marvin probably can't make subjects and verbs agree quite as well as I do, and he doesn't have the voracious appetite for reading that I have, so we're even. Today, we're both successful in our chosen fields. We have good friends and a loving family. Determining which one of us is smarter would really be a difficult thing. That's why I'd like to take this opportunity to thank those scientists in Norway. They've done good work toward resolving family tension. No longer can there be arguments about who's the smartest in the family.
Now it's a scientific fact that I'm smarter than Marvin, and I doubt I'll let him forget it, either. Now, if science could just prove that older brothers are better looking, too.
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