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Other Voices
For instance, thou shalt not use thy car as a demonstration of "power and domination," which I suppose means all you Mercedes and Hummer drivers have to trade in your cars for used Yugos. Thou shalt also be a courteous driver, and thou shalt not use thy car as "an occasion for sin," which refers to - and I'm not making this up - the use of automobiles by prostitutes and their clients. The document, "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road," says driving can bring out primitive behavior in many of us, including "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code." The Vatican, instead, has called on drivers to show Christian virtues behind the wheel. As crazy as this sounds, particularly given more pressing issues that the Vatican should be issuing edicts about, this is probably a wise decision. People do tend to get a little crazy when they are driving. It brings out the worst in us. And with traffic getting worse every day, so does the road rage. Besides, people love lists. It all started with God and the original 10 Commandments. Moses came down off the mountain with this concise, easy-to-understand list of things we should do and shouldn't do. The problem is that choosing just 10 items is somewhat limiting. There are other rules in the Bible that might have made commandment status if God had decided to have, say, the 17 Commandments. But then the list gets cumbersome and more difficult to follow. I'm sure "Thou shalt not put no cole slaw on your barbecue sandwich." got bumped because it's not nearly as important as "Thou shalt not kill" or the one about honoring your mother and father. By the same token, I'm sure the Vatican had to cut several items from its 10 Driving Commandments. Thou shalt not eat a Burger King Whopper while driving down Interstate 985. Or put on makeup. Or read a book. Or talk on the phone. Or any of the other hundred or so things drivers do behind the wheel. Here's an idea: Concentrate on the driving. It'll make the rest of us feel safer. Thou shalt always use thy turn signal. I've near rear-ended countless cars whose drivers wait until the last minute to slow down, then turn on their signal as they are making the turn. Hey, genius, if you're already making the turn, I don't need the signal. I already know you're turning. How about turning it on a couple hundred feet sooner? Thou shalt turn off the signal after you have completed the turn. How can people drive down the street not knowing their turn signal is on? That clickety-clack sound drives me crazy for the minute and a half I'm sitting waiting for the light to change. Oh wait, I know how it happens. Thou shalt not play thy radio so loud that I can hear it in my car. You can't hear the clickety clack of the turn signal because the music's so loud. In fact, you couldn't hear a steamboat whistle in the backseat because the music's so loud. I don't want to listen to your music. That's why I bought a car with its own radio. Thou shalt get out of my way in the fast lane. This one really gets people's blood pressure up. But the way I look at it, the sign says, "Slower traffic keep right." If you want to go 45 mph, more power to you. But do it in the slow lane. Thou shalt not hand the state trooper your cold beer while you fumble around for your driver's license. This one pretty much needs no explanation. So let's pay special heed to the Vatican's directive, as well as my few additions here. Perhaps we'll have a kinder, gentler highway.
If that doesn't work, you can always get right up on their bumper and blow the horn.
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